Note: all lyrics translations are from 7 Dreamers; all images are screenshots from official Dreamcatcher videos or photos save from their social accounts.
Like many newer Insomnia, my first encounter with Dreamcatcher was when I watched their MV for "Deja Vu". This would have been late summer 2020. I had shown some interest in learning more about kpop, and so my daughter made me a YouTube playlist.
As you might expect, one of the things that stood out for me was Handong's iconic lines "Oh now holding this pain / Every time I cast it away, the anguish".
Throughout the fall of 2020, Dreamcatcher became more and more the focus of the time spent I listening to kpop, although it was pretty much exclusively on YouTube.
From the comments on thoe videos I was watching, I discovered that Handong had gone to China to appear on Youth With You 2 and then got stuck there when the pandemic broke out. I learned about the fear fans had that she wouldn't be coming back to the group. I learned that she hadn't done great on the show in terms of ranking, but fans were proud of the growth she had shown, including becoming more confident.
By the time I was reading these comments, she was probably already back in quarantine in South Korea. I hadn't joined kpop Twitter and didn't know about Weverse and Vlive. This meant I was stuck several months behind actual news because most of my information was coming from these old YouTube comments. But as Dreamcatcher became my favorite kpop group, I explored more and more of their work and fanmade content about them, talked to my daughter more about how kpop worked, and by the time the mystery codes for Road to Utopia dropped, I was a full-fledged fan and so was able to experience the joy of Handong's presence on "Odd Eye" and the rest of the mini-album, her presence in comeback performances and on variety shows, the delight of the "Poison Love" self-made MV focusing on Handong, and all the way through to that moment during the Crossroads concert when her parents voices came over the sound system.
Yes, I teared up.
And, of course, Handong's triumphant return to Dreamcatcher continued on through her gorgeous cover of "下雨天", her iconic moments in Dreamcatcher Mind, the forceful barrel roll on their cover of "My House" for kcon, her amazing performances during the Summer Holiday era, etc.
I don't really define my fandom in terms of biases and wreckers (no shade to those who do). I appreciate each of the dreamies for who they are and what they bring to the group.
But because of how I came to become a fan of Dreamcatcher, I have a soft spot for Handong.
And really it all starts with hearing her sing "Oh now holding this pain".
What I've come to realize, though, is that while it may have started there, those lines weren't the beginning or the end.
Handong has always been singing emotion-filled phrases to us.
That Vocal Tone
Before I get to specifics, let's spend a moment appreciating Handong's voice.
All of the Dreamcatcher members have unique, interesting, gorgeous vocal tones. It's a key part of why they're such an amazing group.
And all of them can sing delicate lines full of emotion.
But there's something special about Dongie's vocal timbre.
It may be her vocal training in musicals and opera.
It may be her personality and who she is as a musician and performer.
It is certainly her unique physics and biology--that's how vocals work.
But whatever combinations of specific factors that create it, the result is captivating. There's just something about her voice, you know?
I don't want to turn this into an argument about line distribution. It's true that Dongie's lines tended to be meager on early title tracks. But that not true of some of the b-sides. And her overall line distibution has improved over time.
More importantly, one of the things I was struck by when I finally listened to the group's entire discography in order--from debut through *Summer Holiday*--is that it's clear even from the beginning that the producers (mostly Leez and Ollunder, of course) know what Handong brings to a song and give her lines that require an extra emotional heft.
It Was Always There
Here are some examples.
I'm not going to quote every line she sings on every track. But think about what it means to have Handong in your head singing these lines to you. Think about what she's been telling Insomnia over the years.
Note that I'm focusing on the lyrics that are exclusive to her in a particular song. I'm also including only the English translation. Obviously what we hear her sing for some of these is in Korean (or Japanese).
From "Emotion": Oh, I can’t hold you anymore
From "Lullaby": From this time without you / I want to leave
From "Full Moon": I want to get closer little by little
From "Mayday": I just run to you, run to you
From "Wonderland": A Mystery beyond escape / Strangely, I rely on your finger tips
From "July 7th": And I missed you so much / The look in your eyes that I stare at
From Deja Vu: Oh now holding this pain / Every time I cast it away, the anguish ... So now, I’m holding this pain / Like how you abandoned everything [Notice how the first time the focus is on the I and the second time on the You?]
From "Polaris": We resemble our sad selves / we live holding the same memories
From "First Light of Dawn": God knows how much I’ve been through / Without hesitation, I embrace solitude
From "Odd Eye": The lie that it’ll all be like that / Covered by the sweetness (woo ooo ooo)
From "Poison Love": But even if I hurt more because of you
From "Wind Blows": Blow, wind / so that I can reach you
From "A Heart of Sunflower": You’re slowly growing distant / I can feel it / Why aren’t you saying anything?
There are other lyrics I could quote here, especially from prechoruses or choruses where she sings them and then another member sings the same words later in the song, like in "4 Memory" where she sings "I want with you / I want with you now" and then Yoohyeon sings the same lines later.
But even from just the examples above, I hope you get a sense of what I experienced listening (and continuing to listen) to DC's discography.
To me, it's seem's clear that Handong is often tasked with singing lines expressing pain or longing or a certain sensualilty or some combination of those. Certainly, that's due in part to the group's concept and how that translates to lyrics--and it's not exclusive to her.
And yet, that thing--the thing you feel when she sings "Oh now holding this pain"--it's always been there. All the way back in "Emotion"; all the way up to "A Heart of Sunflower"; and, I expect, all the through any future releases
Handong: that clear, delicate, mellow, silky, rich voice resonating in our heads, holding all this pain, all this emotion.